My Second Life

When I first came to the realisation that The Jewish Scotsman was cheating on me it came as no surprise. I had, after all, been in four other long-term relationships where exactly the same thing happened. I have no Gay-dar at all; I couldn't pick two gay guys if they were making out on a Mardi Gras float. I am blessed with a niggling little red light in the back of my head though, that tells me when something is up with a significant other. Like the refrigerator bulb coming on as you open the door, the little red light sprung into action soon into the relationship; oddly enough as I really began to open up emotionally to him.


Could it be my heart came with a Kelvinator sticker attached?


Not long after the little red light began flashing like Paris Hilton's answering machine, I saw a short news article on a web-based Internet community called Second Life. Unlike web-based message boards or chat programs, Second Life (SL) runs like a sexy 3D computer game, minus the guns and high-score. Content is user-created, it has it's own currency (the Linden, or L$) and is basically everything real life (RL) is, just with a twist. I dove right in to investigate.


That's a digital me to the right. Freaky huh.

I soon became hooked on SL and found myself spending any time I could muster logging in, making friends and building my own part of a virtual world. I identified this as an escapist approach to handling my current situation with The Jewish Scotsman, but it seemed harmless enough, and I was channeling my emotions into something creative and positive; albeit virtual. This is Chateau de Canard, my house in Caledon - a "Victorian/Edwardian" themed part of SL).


Sex exists in SL. Everyone asks. Yes it does. There's even a strong gay presence there (Provincetown, Impulse, Club Lava to name a few). People meet to chat, have sex (digital appendage attachments can be bought sold and traded), and often escape whatever it is in their RL that SL doesn't have. I began to question if digital sex between too consenting avatars would be considered cheating if one had a RL partner? For that matter, people form relationships in SL, and there are even virtual weddings (always the bridesmaid here...); does SL adultery mean you go to SL hell? Maybe meeting the virtual mother-in-law isn't so bad.

Not long after confronting The Jewish Scotsman about his wondering habits and we began to open up discussions, he questioned me about my late night visits to the PC. It had never occurred to me that the simple harmless life that I had created could be a source of jealousy for him. He was thinking I had been jumping online and organising a clandestine rendezvous, when in fact I'd been busily furnishing my virtual home. Understandable, after all that's how he organised his discreet meets.

I wonder if the inventors of the Internet could have had the foresight to imagine a connected world of information, pornography, love and betrayal. Where will this all lead to as advances in high-speed networking expand? How many relationships have been forged, and lost, because of the digital age? For that matter, how do I explain to my parents that I own a small slice of nothing and spend a lot of my time there?

It seems October 18th is very focused on all things financial (International Credit Union day, Support Your Local Chamber of Commerce day, Get To Know Your Customer day; to name a few). With the L$ becoming the hottest tradeable (and unstable) currency at the moment I expect it's only a matter of time before it gets it's own day too. I find it interesting to think that so many people (including myself) are willing to invest money and time into something that, logically, doesn't exist. My avatar and my Chateau all reside on a small server, sitting in a rack, sitting in a comms room. It does seem oh so real when you're engaged in the experience though.

Could it be the reality we know is the figment of a digital imagination? Why is it I always get caught in a cheating-boyfriend sub-routine loop? Maybe I need a debugger.

October 18th:

• 1993: DEC (Digital Equipment Corp) holds a press conference to announce their new MicroVAX system. Slower than most of today's mobile phones and noisier than a jet engine falling on a TNT factory...
• Halloween Safety Month... Don't carve a pumpkin, run with scissors - it's safer
• International Spinach Lovers week (also international "you've got something in your teeth" week)
• International Credit Union day... Makes cents to me

Mulligan Begin Again

I was recently discussing with a work colleague the bizarre things we do in our own minds throughout the course of a given day. It turns out we both play the "Undo game". Users of most computing software may know that the universal key-combination for Undo is [CTRL][Z].

We have since labeled this The Undo Factor.

After briefly going over conversations we wish we could edit, purchases that should never have been made, meetings we wish we had not attended, and relationships where hindsight came too late; we both realised we actually think [CTRL][Z] in our minds. Could this be the result of some bizarre hypnosis exploit from a cheesy TV show with Paul McKenner? I'd rather undo, than think I was a chicken.

So it's International Mulligan Day today (side note: it's also International Menopause day, but I'm not too worried about that one), and I've begun to reflect on some of the events both recent and historic that could spring the aforementioned key combo in my thought pattern.

• Choosing isle #9 at the local supermarket last week, resulting in a 20 minute wait in the queue whilst the person in front of me writes out a cheque for $10... [CTRL][Z]
• Choosing two very fluffy orange kittens at the pet store when I know I predominantly wear dark coloured suits... Meh, I can live with that
• Spending AU$35 for tickets to see "Walk the Line" with The Jewish Scotsman (if the lid of the Coca Cola I was drinking was any sharper I'd have opened a vein... good thing the company was pleasant)... [CTRL][Z]
• Five long-term relationships (The Anniversary Guy, The Chain Smoker, The Sailor, The Tall Auctioneer, The Jewish Scotsman)... No regrets
• That extra slice of Pizza whilst on my low-carb diet... [CTRL][Z]
• Answering the phone at 18:02 knowing full well it'd be a call from a call center in India (Simpsons repeat vs Phone Ringing, tough choice)... [CTRL][Z]
• Thinking "Nah, I'll save changes to a long work-related presentation later, my PC won't crash any time soon"... [CTRL][Z]
• Coming out to my parents... Best thing I ever did

I guess as I look back I'm rather fortunate that [CTRL][Z] only seems to play a part in those little insignificant events in my life. I've always been on the belief that you can't change the past, just focus on the good memories. Recent changes in my relationship status with The Jewish Scotsman now see me planning ahead less and living/enjoying life more. I'm enjoying this new found live for today attitude too.

I think I will cross out "World Mulligan Day" on my calendar and spare a thought for those going through Menopause...

October 17th:

• Gaudy day (some people I see on the train seem to have their calendar stuck on that one)
• 1994: IBM cuts back it's line of Personal Computers from nine to four
• 1931: Al Capone jailed for tax evasion (and thankful he never had to worry about a BAS statement or GST calculation...)
• 1912: Pope John Paul I born, 263rd Pope - Bet that Pope chair thingy needs recushioning by now

Thanks for the [Magnetic Ferrite Core] memories...

10 PRINT "Hello World!"
20 GOTO 10

How times have changed. As most computer geeks will tell you, the code above is perhaps their first exciting dive into the world of computer programming. Having a father who worked for IBM for many many years, I was fortunate enough to grow up with computers around me as a child so I got on the digital bandwagon at an early age.

It was some time in 1987 that I was first introduced to this thing called the "Internet". Back then, you got beat up at school if you admitted to having an eMail address, and WWW didn't mean anything yet. It was a very appropriate time for me to get online, being 12 or so I was going through changes and beginning to question the world. I had the world at my fingertips too (over a 1200bps modem!).

Up to this point I found my solitude by confiding my deepest darkest feelings in a journal (well, journals, had been keeping them for many years). As I chatted with more and more strangers from around the globe about everyday life, I found myself having less and less time to journal my thoughts until finally I wrote my last entry and put them all in a safe place.

The Internet changed my life, as it has for pretty much anyone in a modern developed country. I soon realised I was gay and not alone. I met five very special men who would eventually win (and break) my heart. I've ordered home delivery pizza with a mouse click. I've kept in touch with a close friend who moved to the other side of the planet.

This revolution has made my daily life a tapestry of information, communication and anchovy toppings, however the one thing that has been lacking is a record of my thoughts and feelings through each event. Sadly, the journals of my youth are lost forever; an unfortunate event that was part of the breakup with boyfriend #1 ("The anniversary guy").

This week in 1949 An Wang [*giggles* - how can you not] patented a way for scientists to store information using magnetic ferrite core modules - later forming the heart of early supercomputer memory. This very simple design revolutionised the birth of modern computing beyond the old fashioned punch-card technology.

I thought it fitting on the same week Mr Wang [*giggle*] changed the way science uses memory, I'd finally start up writing my own diary again, albeit in the new modern trendy weBLOG genre. It seems everyone I know is blogging these days and I find myself spending a great deal of time reading about the lives of others through their own digital diary.

This is the start of mine.

October 16th:

• World-wide "Dictionary Day". Heralds the beginning of world-wide "torn pocket day" thanks to the Oxford Pocket Dictionary
• An Wang [*giggle*] patents Magnetic Ferrite Core memory design
• USA National Chestnut Week (Oct 14th-20th)
• Department Store day